THE ADULT PARADOX


BEING AN ADULT, WHAT WE THOUGHT IT WAS Vs WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS!

When I was young I used to think that being an adult was the most wonderful thing in this world. I mean being in control of your own life, your choices, making important decisions like what to buy, what to wear, what to eat and where to live. I thought every adult had their dream job and that they all had lots and lots of money bla bla bla….. Wasn’t that wonderful? Well turned out my thoughts were just a scam, very scamish (I don’t know if such word exists :)) thoughts if I may, lol.

LOL

Being a kid and especially once I hit teenage-hood, becoming an adult spelt freedom. I was so eager to acquire this freedom! I remember how elated I was when I completed High school, i just couldn’t wait to adult up. I thought of all the money I could make (I thought making money was really easy), all the partying I was going to do, all the boyfriends I was going to have :), beautiful romantic stories that had fairy tale endings! Lol, little did i know what lay behind that word…..ADULT!

The reality of it is not all that rosy, actually it’s quite underwhelming, no one prepares you for what it is, no one can actually do because no one knows what your future holds, they can only imagine. You can be twins and one twin’s life can turn out so beautifully while the other one could be going through harrowing experiences….. Life!

Well, let’s break it down, shall we?

The Freedom

The other day I was just mulling over some issues, I missed being a child when I had nothing to worry about. I contemplated on what FREEDOM exactly is?  I realized how often we as adults are faced by situations where our young ones think we are the ones making decisions but we are actually deciding nothing! Sometimes, decisions that are at times bad and thoughtless are made for you and as a parent you are only herding your family along demarcated territories that are not your choice, they are forced on you and as an adult you know better than to disobey them. Controlled freedom is really not freedom at all.

Take For instance the many government directives we all have to follow regardless of our opinions about them, like the Huduma number shenanigans. It’s a perfect example of how as an adult you can have zero control over some life choices that you wish you had full control over. The truth about adult freedom and the difference it has from a child’s freedom is only to whom you are being answerable to. When you are a kid your freedom is decided on by your parents and teachers mostly.

Adult freedom on the other hand has many more stakeholders, it is controlled by anyone who has more money and power than you, and it could be your relatives, spouse, bosses or even random strangers! Yes, your rich new neighbor can decide they don’t like your shack next to them, they can just decide to frustrate you for no reason affecting your so called “freedom” using their money until you move away from a place you have lived in and called home all your life.

The Bills

And then there is the mother of all adult problems called BILLS!! Woo, I need to take some deep breaths here…..this is the number one adult killer, it is a menace that no adult has managed to kill, ha-ha. This monster if not kept under control at all times can easily give birth to a smaller animal called stress. If you happen to fail to make enough money to cover all your bills, which happens a lot, life can easily and very quickly turn into a rat race that can reduce you into a nobody very fast!

Adults spend all their lives working very hard to pay bills, there is basically almost nothing you can do out here without having to pay for it, it’s just ridiculous. You only stop paying bills when you are six feet under, and maybe you start paying other kinds of bills down there, who knows :)? All I know is am tired of all the bills I have to keep paying! I never had to pay for anything when I was a kid, life was just awesome :). 

Source: the web

The Fear!

The irony of it! Yap, adults are a terrified lot. When you are a child you think all adults are fearless or so it seems, and they are not afraid of the monsters and bugs that scare the hell out of you. Well to all kids out there, let me just tell you the truth, adults are fearful lot, they just suck it up and put a brave face for you little ones. What I have learned as an adult is the fear of the monsters and bugs never really leave completely, you just manage it, and on top of that you develop other complex kinds of fears of other things to include LIFE itself.

 All of a sudden life scares you, the future that you were really looking forward to, becomes so uncertain it scares the hell out of you. You fear everything even the unknown, you fear what tomorrow will bring because the present is already bad enough. 

Fear of failure, sicknesses, death and even growing old. Yes, it’s funny that when you are a child you can’t wait to grow up yet once you become an adult you start fearing growing old, lol….humans! hatuwezi saidika J (we can’t be helped) You fear loss,  losing loved ones to death or to circumstances.

The biggest of all fears for humanity right now is of their fellow human (adults). You learn that adults can’t completely be trusted, they have become a selfish lot, and they will take advantage of you, use you, hate you and can even harm you or kill you for no apparent reason or for fatal selfish reasons. It’s shocking how Grown-ups have made the world a sad terrible place that has no peace.

The Burden

When you first become an adult you have this misguided notion that your life is yours alone and you can do whatever you feel like with it! This notion is so laughable because you come to learn that things are not as simple as they seem, they are very complicated. Every action you do at any given point in life has consequences as we all have realized, it’s bound to affect someone with or without your intentions to hurt them.

Sometimes when things are thick and I am completely overwhelmed I find myself contemplating what would happen if I just upped and left, leave all these problems and responsibilities and disappear into thin air never to be seen again. Sounds like an awesome plan, right? Lol. Am sure am not the only one who has ever contemplated doing this, an action that is considered by many to be selfish :).

Even though I have this thoughts, to just disappear and live an awesome blissful life in the wild (it’s such an attractive thought, especially if you have kids and family that drive you nuts sometimes, and don’t we all have them!). I am very much aware of how devastating my act would affect those people who love me dearly and depend on me.

They would be so hurt and worried sick that they would probably spend the rest of their lives in misery. As much as I would love to run and lead a self-centered life, that choice is really not mine as long as I care about them. So you snap out of that thought and get back up, haul your never ending and  ever growing responsibilities and worries onto your battered back and continue trudging on with life while loving your people.  You have these blood ties that cannot and ‘should never’ be broken, they are as thick as sin and we are bound together for life… Ha!

Talking of blood ties – family ties, this is something that really causes migraines to many adults. You are always concerned about these individuals, worried about their lives, their choices and actions. Sometimes it can reach a point you throw in the towel and decide that whatever they do with their lives is none of your business, but deep down you know you are secretly minding that business on the down low and acting like you don’t care.

Wait until you get a strange call that your reckless brother or sister had an accident and is lying in a pool of his blood. Most of us will be worried sick and running like headless chickens to help that sibling who we have been avoiding for the last several years.

Its life and we are just wired that way……So again as an adult you will find it is impossible to completely cut ties with such people even when you would really wish to, you still care. We don’t have the choice or freedom to choose our family members, we just have to lovingly accept the ones that God gave us :).  

The Dream

Remember when you were a young starry eyed kid who wanted to be nothing less of a neurosurgeon? Remember reading that epic book called THINK BIG by Ben Carson and being so damn sure that you were going to be a neurosurgeon?  🙂 What happened to you and that dream?

I remember my dream like many other girls and their mothers was to become a beautiful air Hostess!! Nobody could touch that dream or convince me otherwise 🙂 .  Then one day many years ago I took my first flight, a very short flight to Mombasa and it happened to be a very rough and bumpy ride full of turbulence and could barely wait to get off. This marked the beginning of my doubts for that career.

Later,  I took another long flight and it really dawned on me as I was being served my meal and made comfortable by the Air hostess, that being an Air hostess is just an upgraded level of a normal waitress. Instead of waiting on people in hotels you wait on them on a plane (no offence to all the beautiful and highly paid Air hostesses, I really appreciate your warmth and nice hospitality, especially you with beautiful hearts!).

All that and the fact that I realized I don’t even like flying changed my mind. Plus who wants to go for interviews where your level of beauty and physical appearance are the first items on the check list?  If you fail you are left wondering whether it was your papers or the fact that maybe you actually aren’t beautiful enough? Well… Here I am and ‘hostessing’ is waay over there.

By show of hands, how many of you are in that career you had dreamed of when you were a kid? Lol, I see you! And how is adult life taking you so far? Me, am goood! Isn’t that what we all say with a fake smile?  Let’s keep going. Cheers! 🙂

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